What makes you happy?
I used to believe that if I was at my goal weight, I would be happy. I used to believe that once I owned my own home, I would be happy. I used to believe, if I was married to my loving partner, I would be happy. I used to believe if I was rich, that would make me happy. I used to believe if my mum was still alive, I would be happier. I used to believe that I would be happy with in my relationship, if we agreed more. Errgh, I now realise I was wrong.
Heres the thing, I am happy now, and I have none of that. AT ALL.
I am not at my goal weight. I have struggled with weight gain since I have had bowel surgery. I don’t own my own home, I am currently renting and don’t have a deposit to even consider buying one. I have no money in savings. My mother passed away 11 years ago. I am not married and the relationship that had all the conflict is over. I am a little sad and dissatisfied that I haven’t achieved those things I thought would complete me and make me happy.
However, I have a roof over my head. I have reasonable health. I am ALWAYS provided for, with no savings in the bank. I don’t have arguments all the time with a partner who constantly misunderstood me and expected me to be a different person, I am single now. I know my mother watches over me and is with me in spirit. I am working towards a career that I love and will enjoy. I am alive. I AM HAPPY.
We need to find happiness in now, today! Whatever our circumstances. Being grateful is the key. Finding gratitude in even the smallest things, is happiness for me. I am grateful for the people around me. I will not surround myself with people who expect me to be different and bring up my past and try and make me feel bad about it anymore, for this I now have a zero tolerance. I have had issues in the past and just want to move forward on my path and create a new set of memories, rather than continue on the mediocre ones that I manifested that were part of being in depression. I am forging a new path in my life. I want to be around people who will inspire and join me at this level. We need to have goals for things to achieve, but be grateful and happy with where we currently are and what we currently have. Enjoying the journey to improving ourselves, rather than expect to feel enjoyment once the destination has been reached. I know I am responsible for my Happiness, no one else is.
If I am in a situation where I am constantly second guessing myself, or being told I am held responsible for someone else’s happiness, I leave. I have tried hard to bend over backwards to please people in the past. When they don’t have inner happiness, it doesn’t make a difference. They are looking to you or others for their happiness and you will never succeed in making them happy. They will never be satisfied with how you are, they want more or something different to what you can offer. They need to find it in themselves.
I know this because I was THAT person. I was searching for something, SOMEONE to create that happiness inside of me. I saw the light, and see now, how to live my life in complete bliss. If I continue my life, feeling like this and never end up finding a life partner to share it with, I know I will be ok. I know I can still live a fulfilled existence as a single person.