Dating

I recently did a Facebook live with a girlfriend on the topic of internet dating.  We covered tips on how to set up your profile, what sort of pictures to use. What to wear on a first date, where to meet, what to do and what not to expect on first date, etc etc

Our discussion contained the usual complaints about how people lie and try and mislead you on dating sites. That they usually react to the first photo they see of you and judge you on that, and most of them don’t read or respect what you write in your short introduction.  That a lot of the time the way people chat over a message doesn’t line up with how the are in the flesh.  I call this the keyboard Hero syndrome. That they appear eloquent and well spoken on line, but are rough nuts in real life.

When i have been on dating sites in the past, I have been quite conscious of my preferences of things I want in a man. I have been quite particular and had a “type” to some degree, I guess.  My girlfriend I did the FB live with was more strict than me on her type and seemed to feel that people who didn’t fit into her type wouldn’t satisfy her long term, she has since changed this to be more open to men out of her “type” although she is more attracted to a certain look.. lol. Upon analysis of this watching others and having my own experiences over the years, I have come to the conclusion that our mindset brings us people. That one will attract a type, regardless of our desires, based on our vibration.

Now I may have lost some of you with that statement. So I feel the need to clarify what that means. When my mindset was negative and in a low state, I was attracting partners who kept me there, that were controlling and narcissistic. When in a state of happiness and loving who I am, I have attracted someone who is the same. A happy soul, who keeps me smiling, who doesn’t have drama and issues in his life.

The things I had on my preferences were, a non smoker, someone taller than me, someone who loves wine and coffee, someone who is crazy about music, someone arty, someone who isn’t into football, someone fit with a toned body, someone who places importance on their children.  I based some of my preferences on what I didn’t like in previous relationships, I wanted more of the things I loved in relationships.  These things or “filters” were holding me back from seeing people for who they are, with my judgement of past experiences and issues, I was missing out on meeting some amazing souls.

It used to annoy me when someone contacted me who was a full-time smoker, as I felt this was a non-negotiable for me, I stated it in my bio and it seemed a blatant disregard of my needs, plus I am a reformed smoker of 10 years.. lol.  The other things, well they all had a priority, taller than me being high on the list, loving music being low on the list for example.

I deleted the dating apps, I didn’t find anyone and the whole process seemed frustrating and just a waste of time.  All I had been doing was a repetition of the same thing each time. Introduce myself, say where I work, etc etc and it went no where. I had my responses in a memo and would cut and paste them.. hmm not really fun or making meeting someone seem like good experience after a while.

I focused on me. I decided to stop trying to find someone. I decided I needed to be happy on my own. To live my life fulfilled and able to be satisfied without a partner. Creating happiness in yourself without placing it on someone or something else to make you feel happy is not an easy task but once in that space, you don’t need anyone.  You can have friends, family etc and be happy with your own company.  Interestingly enough, when I reached this place, something happened.

I had stopped looking, I had withdrawn my type. I removed all filters.  I stopped having expectations and demands.  I stopped the vicious abusive cycle with my ex. I wasn’t lonely anymore. I didn’t need a partner.  I was content with my own company. It’s like I needed to reach this space and he just sorta appeared.. I met someone.  He is not the typical type I used to go for, he suits me though, we have connection, we laugh all the time, we get each other, he does silly things just like I do.. for example he got super glue all over his hands the other day and we spent hours picking it off, I laughed the whole time as I glued my fingers together years ago and it just reminded me of me.  We have loads in common and we have lots of differences too.  We have respect, we have great communication, we have honesty, transparency, authenticity and for me a big one, no walls up!  Guess what? He doesn’t smoke.. lol

​What if you took all your ideas of types, attraction, a “good” relationship, and every judgment you have because of your past relationships, and throw them out the window.  What if you could be so ok in yourself that when you meet someone, you can start with being curious, just interested in them, just making a connection, a fresh connection based on the present moment. Without expectations or need for them to complete you.

It’s a total game changer 😍


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