Having expectations of someone is a sure fire way to set yourself up for disappointment. The obvious thing to do to avoid this, is not to expect anything right? It’s definitely easier said than done.
I am a person who follows the Four agreements, which are:
So when someone doesn’t keep their word or they do things I think they wouldn’t, I feel disappointed. I shouldn’t be disappointed though, if I’m not taking it personally? When I have been really let down, I find it difficult not to feel it. It’s a little confusing. However, to be disappointed means I have either made an assumption, I have taken something personally or both. When I feel a pang of disappointment, I look at why, it’s generally a lesson for me to grow from.
I outlined in a previous post called “What to expect in a relationship” that expectations can kill a relationship. There are however basic things such as honesty, respect and love that you should expect, here’s the link if you want to check back on it. https://creative-girl.me/2016/11/22/what-to-expect-in-a-relationship/
The first thing to do when you feel disappointed is take a step back, look at the facts, not at your emotions. Generally when you take the facts without your emotions attached to them, disappointment dissipates. Acknowledge that the other person has their own shit going on. For example to say one thing and do another is their issue. Generally this has nothing to do with you and not done with the intention of hurting you. Perhaps they have their own demons. Acknowledge their bad behaviour and explain how it made you feel to them.
If someone repeatedly hurts you, with no remorse. Perhaps it’s time to walk away. I have learned over the past few years to honour myself. So I remove myself from people that are toxic and threaten to disturb the change I have created in myself. I don’t need to surround myself with toxicity anymore.
If you express your emotions and they want help or want to change their behaviour it’s worth working together to improve the situation. Nobody is perfect, shit happens, bad choices can be made. Sometimes relationships can be strengthened by mistakes.
The second thing to do is practise being in the present moment. Enjoy what is happening right now. Doing this, rather than anticipating future behaviour or events, or expectations of what’s to come keeps disappointment at bay.
Thirdly, communication is also key to avoid disappointment. Discussions about things you are concerned about, your future together, everything actually helps you know where you are going together. Two people that are in a relationship, whether a romantic relationship, parent/child relationship or friendship are different, each person thinks with their own brains, so unless you talk, you can not possibly know what the other is thinking. Seems obvious really.
What things can you add to avoid feeling disappointed?